but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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