He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
