its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
