so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
