i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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