Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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