remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
