I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
