Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
