There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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