Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
