only you would photoshop your dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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