Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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