I think I died a long time ago.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
