you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
