even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
