i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
