Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
