New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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