so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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