my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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