Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
