i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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