once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
