Someone shit on the floor
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
