Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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