If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
