The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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