he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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