I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
