just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dick very happy bro
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
