Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
