i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
