She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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