Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
