mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
