he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
