WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
