he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
