Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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