"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
