So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
