we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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