alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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