I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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