Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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