forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
