Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
