Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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