My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
