Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
