just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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