the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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