ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
