Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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