hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
