The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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