I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
