Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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