Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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