i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
