So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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