My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
