If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
