I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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