I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
