I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
