you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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