I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
