somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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